July 16, 2017:
Hola! Where does the time go, Geez Louise! Half summer is already gone, and I am first now updating this from last December, tsk tsk. Bad Jan! So, been busy puttering around the yard, as always, and paying more attention than I probably should be to politics. The kitchen "remodel" is on hold due to budgetary constraints, but I hope to have that remedied before the end of the year. And I have yet to paint the guest room - it's only been 3 years now since I moved in to this version of Maison Newton, I'm not lazy or anything, nope... LOL! Take care and have a great rest of the summer. Jan

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

I Am The Evil Squirrel Queen...

Hola darlings!

As you may know, I am an old softy when it comes to animals and I get such a big kick out of the squirrels who congregate in my yard to be fed.  They get peanuts and nuts in the shell.  Costs a mini-fortune every month but since I refuse to adopt a pet after the heartbreak of losing to death, one by one, my three doggies some years ago, I just cannot face adopting another dog, only to lose it to death or, even worse, I die first and my dog would end up at the animal shelter.

Fast forward to today.  I believe I may have blogged about this very same thing happening around this time, last year.  But perhaps I blogged about it at Goddesschess blog, not here.  In any event, the Phantom Raker has struck again!

Yep, whoever it is rakes up all of the nut shells the squirrels deposit into his or her yard, and then dumps them surreptitiously in my front yard, near my mail box.  Last year a small pile was also deposited on the south side near the beginning of my driveway.

Quel horreurs!  Squirrel prints all over my deck during blizzard, EEK EEK EEK EEK!

A real class act, wouldn't you agree?  Like I'm deliberately sending the squirrels with nuts in their mouths into his or her yard just so the nut shells are deposited THERE?  What a Svengali act!  Maybe I should take my squirrel and nut show on the road, heh :)

No shells in front yard this morning, three piles of shells had been deposited when I arrived home this evening. Obviously, this is a person with too much time on his or her hands and who knows my schedule.  If I saw this person doing this while I was home, I would confront said person.  What kind of sick, weirdo coward does such a thing? 

Quel horreurs deux!  A squirrel eating a nut on my deck, EEK EEK EEK EEK!  And looky there, plenty
of evidence that lots of squirrels have been munching on nuts and peanuts on said deck, too. 
IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

If I ever do find out who it is, I will rake up a big fat pile of nut shells from my back yard (they are always present since I feed the squirrels morning and night), deposit said shells into a lovely gift bag, I will go to the person's house, ring the doorbell, and deliver the shells in person to this tresspasser who is so warped as to take the time to rake up the shells but instead of disposing of them like a normal person would do, chooses, instead, to dump them in my front yard.

Does he or she get a thrill out of that, I wonder?  Does he or she watch when, this weekend, in-between bouts of forecasted rain, I will go out and rake up said shells?  Does he or she rub his or her hands together in glee, cackling like an evil fiend as they watch from behind the curtains?  Sick, sick, sick. 

I wonder if this person shoots birds or puts out poison bait because they poop on the trees and lawn?  Poisons rabbits because they dig holes for nests in one's lawn and eat one's hostas?  Kills any animal that happens across the sacred boundaries of their yard? 

Quel horreurs trois!  It's a Demon Squirrel from Hell!  Just look at that glowing eye...  Gee, wonder why that crazy
woman who feeds the squirrels (moi) has such a lucious full green lawn???  But look at those nut shells, what
a mess!  To the concentration camp with her, Heil Hitler! 

Get your jollies off, neighbor.  I'll be sending legions of squirrels into your territory who will, I hope, deposit tons of nut shells and dig countless holes into your lawn.  I've got a brand new crop of baby squirrels swinging all around my big old elm tree out back and I'm training them up already.  Yep, aimed right at YOUR yard.  Bwaaaahhaaahhaaaaa!

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